Mynameiswot’s Weblog

It’s Saturday and another night of typing begins while supping on a glass of Vino!

Friday there saw me going back to the gym, not in the mood, and still with sore legs after Monday’s escapade, and pushing myself to run. Heck, under 7K ran and my leg muscles felt as though someone had decided to hit them hard with a hammer, so had to give up! Certainly put a damper on me this week has I can tell you!

Mind you, amongst all of that personal events have seen me highly stressed out, and to be honest the drink has been the only thing keeping me going in the evenings, though it’s pathetic excuse but at this moment it’s justified in my mind.

Tomorrow I’ll see if the legs can take a real-world 5K or 10K run…. Can’t let LEGS DEFEAT ME!

Well on Monday there I decided to go back to the Gym after the festive period, and by heck, what a struggle that was.

I only managed to push 9.6K in an hour and had to do 5 slow walks to get my breath back; an utter disgrace!

Only had one day of non drinking, so still failing on my initial target of stopping drinking completely, but, so much crap happening and just feeling down, that it’s my only retreat at the moment.

Legs are now killing me today so won’t go back to the Gym until Thursday as I do not want to injure myself any more than I may have at the moment. Not an excuse, the truth!

Still positive about things though, still got the targets and WILL KEEP AT IT!

Just in case anyone is reading this, this is to let you know that so far due to weather conditions, the way I’m feeling and being sore all over I have moved into a state of depression in which I am finding it hard to motive myself to do anything at all. But, even though I am in this state, I am repeating that “mantra” of I have to get outside and push myself, I have to kick the booze, I have to be more positive, I have to get things in gear and get moving!

Now at face value it’s all talk, but let’s see how things progress during the final “Holiday Days” and then see how things go from next Monday when normal work resumes.

So if you have made plans for change, just remember that you’re not alone if you have not quite kicked into action yet! If you have stuck with it, then congratulations! Maybe you need to motive others if you’re feeling strong?

The hardest part of really changing things for the better are setting targets and then actually doing the things you set out to do! Believe it or not, this is the first stage that most people fail at and then continue on the same path, wondering why things are not changing for the better… They really do lose sight of the basics. The first rule here is very simple. If you set a target and then don’t bother, go back to it and try again, and try again and tray again, even if it takes you a week, month, year or longer, keep saying to yourself that you should start to do what you set out to do.

As an example, it took me over two years to finally make up my mind to go to a gym. The time never ever felt right, but slowly as I became unhappy with myself and the way things had been going I finally plucked up the courage to venture in to a local gym and start to do get some exercise.

Now, please don’t expect this scenario to be one that’s like a TV or book scene, I went in there, felt out of my depth, realised that I was so unfit that I was wasting my time and thought I’m not going back there. But, I kept mentally telling myself that this was not going to change me in a week or a month, considering that I had spent all my life as a lazy person, so I could give up now and forget everything or stick in there and see how long things would take to be of some use to me.

So, I went back, did various things from walking on treadmills, cycling, weights etc, and kept this going for a year, and in that time I found that I started to get a little bit fitter, slowly, but the biggest change I noticed was that I became a bit more positive about myself and things. The hardest part though was chatting to other people about what I was doing, as they found the idea of the gym a waste of time or too expensive, so very soon I found that it was better to mention nothing about what I was doing to people, and that way I did not feel as though I was preaching to anyone, though all I was doing was talking about something I felt proud of achieving on my own.

And this brings us to something else that makes this all so difficult, actually doing things off your own back with nobody else around you to help or motivate you. IT IS HARD. There is no other way to put it, YOU HAVE TO HAVE DOUBLE THE WILL POWER and DOUBLE THE POSITIVE ATTITUDE of everyone else around you to get yourself together and do things.

Moving in to the next year I found I had an injury that had me in constant pain for nearly 6 months and I found I could do no gym work at all. Motivation fell, the work I put in all seemed a waste of time, I drank more to keep myself in a “Happy State” but as the weight started to come back on fast, I felt that I was doomed to be unfit and unhappy.

Thankfully, the injury finally settled down to a stage that I could move around and felt that maybe now I should go back into things again and see how I faired. A week and then a month went by and I was still thinking about this, but one day I just seemed to dig deep and managed to push myself out and go back to the gym to see how I would do. It was not easy as straight away the pains started to come back, but I slowed things down and did not do too much, and felt so much better for making the effort. Once I came back home I seemed to have the urge again and sure enough I started to go back to the gym on a regular basis and by avoiding the weights I managed to get back on track again and my motivation increased once more.

Now, in that time I have went through various peaks and troughs, but the one thing that I do know is that as long as you keep TELLING YOURSELF that you HAVE TO CHANGE then eventually you wear yourself down and then you DO SOMETHING.

And that is where we are at just now really, again a depression has come and 2008 in now being used as a motivational point to get things really to change. I expect others around me to be negative in what I am trying to do and how I am trying to do it. I mean, how many other depressingly boring blogs does anyone want to read? And the thing is, while I am posting this online, it’s really only here for me, again, a place to stop and focus on what I am trying to do. If anyone else gets a laugh or benefits out of it, then that can’t be too bad.

IT’S EASY TO BE NEGATIVE – IT’S HARD TO BE POSITIVE!

January 1st 2008 will see my undertake, once again, a change in my lifestyle that I hope I will be able to do and keep going for as long as I possibly can.I’m getting on in years (44), Male, Married, no kids, and not had much of a life to write about, though the crap that has happened through the years with me has kept many people amused I try to keep on going and make something of myself and my wife. 2007 has seen many changes for me, changes in my lifestyle, work and accommodation, but also in my health side. I’m 5 foot 8 inches and at one point was coming in a 13 stone, 38″ waist size and just so unfit that I thought I was on a road to nowhere… I was eating and drinking way too much, but this was because I was so unhappy about life in general, and just when I thought it could get no worse, having hit a state of rock bottom, I became sick, not “ILL”, sick, and spent a week bringing up everything I had, cramps, and god knows what else, that left me in a state of my weight coming down, feeling drained, but, I thought this is the time to try and make a change of things.

So, I pushed myself to go to the Gym, I pushed myself to alter my eating pattern, I stopped drinking, and through time to where I am now, I have dropped to under 11 stone, stopped eating junk food, sweets etc, keeping fit in the Gym and also outside, but the drinking has came back and is dominating my life once again. So much so, my healthy attitude has been hammered these last few weeks, but I have decided to focus on the start of the New Year as a way of putting my changes and battles online that I hope at least one person may benefit from.

To anyone else out there who is in the middle of something like this, can I cut through the bullshit and bring you some hard facts that you and others may not want to hear, but it’s the truth none the less. The only person who will make this happen is YOU. Not your God, not your faith none of that bullshit, it’s YOU and ONLY YOU who can bring this change. Forget other people, forget asking them for help, forget everything you have been taught and told, and understand this simple thing about life. The ONLY MOMENT THAT MEANS ANYTHING IN ANYONE’S LIFE is…. “NOW”. Yesterday has gone, tomorrow will come, and it’s having the ability to forget what has happened in the past and to face NOW. It’s not going to be easy, I have not said it would be, but, if you can read about my success and failures, and hopefully change something in your life for good, then I will at least have had the satisfaction of knowing that my brief time on here has been of use to someone.To the flame people and the glib, the ones who like to bring others down, to the people who sit there high and mighty finding strength in brining ridicule to other peoples life, I hope you find this a place in which you will see one thing…. a person taking charge, making something of their life while you my friend sit there at a keyboard… possibly with no friends, possibly with no life… and possibly with nobody interested in what you do… but hey, I’m here to help you if you can just reach out and follow the path…..It’s not going to be easy, it’s going to be full of bullshit and strife, but what they hell, I’m sure the bad times will cheer people up, and the happy times will cheer me up, but the bottom line, is this…. I am doing something… how about you? 

The 1st of January 2008 will see the events unfold. If you are trying to change your life in some way, why not use this site as a focal point in what someone else like you is trying to do for themselves, not for anyone else.