Mynameiswot’s Weblog

Weight is going up, Drink is flowing, and the depression is coming along just nice.

The Doom & Gloom is really with me each day…..

Thing is…. I “WILL” beat this shit….. I will…

Why is it that I cannot think of anything positive or interesting to write about in a Blog?

Every time I write, it’s to moan… complain or just feel worry for myself… Clearly I really don’t have much happening with my life to have anything positive to write about… Is that sad or what? Pathetic really!!!

Mind you, there are also other people who are seeking out something to make sense of their life, they spend money to listen to other people witter on about how they can change their life for the better, but the simple fact is, the people doing the talking are having a better life due to these people parting with money, and in turn the money allows you to have a better life…. and so the cycle continues…

So… what has all of this got to do with this piece of depressing writing? Well nothing really… I’m just angry about people (family of sorts) who sponge of others to feed their quest for change….. Why the hell should MY MONEY be used to fund some other sad cunts ambitions? Why should MY HARD EARNED MONEY be freely given out to a complete waster, even though the bullshit phrase of “Family” is used…. SOD that! The way to TRAIN this sort of person is to make then learn that they have to work out how to manage their money and not to just expect others to bail them out.

I grow tired of the losers of the world using people around me to feed their wasting lives… and yet when I try to point this all out it ends up that “I” am the bad one and my life is made miserable. In turn, I am then not allowed to be pissed off that these ponces have created this situation and I am the one in the wrong… So is it any wonder that I await my time to make my point to these people…. in a way that will leave a straight forward and easy to understand mark….

It’s the frustration side to all of this that makes me so angry, and in turn so resentful that “I” am made to be the bad one…. when in fact I am the sucker, the mug and the loser…. The thing is… there is a line that I feel is coming closer and closer that if I cross… the consequences will destroy my life while I will be happy enough knowing that I will have destroyed the thing that makes my life a misery.

For my own sake, I hope this remains a blog just being used to vent my spleen… If it turns out not to be the case, then the person concerned will know what it’s like to face reality…. and then face the truth….

Stuffing my face with Pizza here at the moment…… no internet at home…. had to buy sometime from a BT PORTAL…. Munch MUnch Munch…..

Got a Vodka here…..

Got a beer ready in the Fridge…..

Not much changed eh?

Pathetic….

Bottle of Vino……

Tired… so tired…..

Pretty well pissed……. Bottle of Vino down…. so tired…. so tired….

Tiredness and general fatigue are the main things faced today. Funny how the small things are the main things that wear you down, but more to the point, the way they never seem to go away and just keep going on and on and on…..

With the weather changing I hope that the holiday that I am going on soon will charge my internal “Life Battery” and I will return more focussed and positive and actually try to achieve the aims I set out to do at the beginning of the year.

Hello nobody!

Still drinking, still trying to stop, but still coming down with colds, aches and every ther dam bug that appears to be doing the rounds these last few months. To say I am pi**ed off is an understatement, more so as my weight is going up and my determination is going down….

HELP!!

Wowsers! I’m sitting here and a real wave of doom, gloom, depression and no hope has descended upon me for no reason at all! There is an edge to me that is creeping and growing inside me, and by writing here I am doing everything I can to get it out and away and to be forgotten quickly.

I feel no craving for alcohol, so I am ruling that out… Maybe it’s just a phase… something at the back of my mind is churning away and causing me to try and focus on something that is no worth focussing upon at all?

Dam but my head hurts….

Still off the drink, still struggling each day, but as each day goes by the cravings don’t seem quite as bad. Mood swings are bloody terrible though… The silliest of things throw me into a rage, yet as soon as they start I know the rage is silly, yet cannot do a dam thing to stop it, so have to let it ride and await the stupidity of the situation to come home, and let me get back to normality again.

Two days without any booze and already the difference is unreal.

Feeling tired all the time as my sleep pattern changes for the better, heck, you only understand how badly your are affected with the drinking when you stop it! Ah… well tomorrow will be another day!